Search For The New Land - Lee Morgan
...ago i was pretty sure I died....
Emotionally but I suppose it's obvious that I didn't.
I heard the words "goodbye" for the first time with a deeper meaning than "see you later."
Instead, this particular "goodbye" truly meant farewell, until we cross one another's path again, or "i guess I'll see you next lifetime..."
Over the course of 6 months I have witnessed trials and tribulations like no other experienced in my 20 years of life. I managed to survive 2 car accidents, getting physically hit by a car while crossing the street, a slightly collapsed last lung & hole in my chest that repaired itself, and of course heartbreak.
Sadly, I think the worst pain of them all was the heartbreak because it comes and goes as it pleases and even on my happiest days the reminder of it lingers. And although I've reached a state of understanding like never before of what this true love thing is.
But, today I realized that the movie Love Jones may have said it best. Love is truly what you make it and with whom. And sometimes the unbelievableness (word just for DLR) of something can pull two people apart rather than keep them together and it takes the classical test of time to find their way back to one another.
I hate being stuck on the topic of love, but this is what I'm good at, this is what I've been called to experience and understand and it would be wrong of me not to share my findings with other people.
How selfish would you consider me if I've figured out something that people spend their whole lives trying to understand and I simply sat back and told you to figure it out on your own?
Anyway.. the point is.... you can only come to your destiny, not create it.
Love is in every one's cards but it comes in many shapes and forms.
As a writer, my most valued love are my word. So imagine, the pain of losing every written piece of my heart and soul that I've ever created and having no way of getting it back... that's what true heartbreak feels like. Sure there exists the can't eat, can't sleep aspect of it.. but the feeling of complete emptiness? that's not something people just say, it's an actual feeling of being devoid of happiness, of wanting to do nothing. Of feeling incomplete when you're stripped of your love for anyone, or at time, anything.
I'm in search of a tomorrow that I know will come.. because it's inevitable that this happiness or one damn near like it will make it's way back to me. I feel like this journey will teach me a lot about myself, more than I've learned over the past 5 months, and a lot about life... more than I've learned over the last 20 years.
...ago i was pretty sure I died....
Emotionally but I suppose it's obvious that I didn't.
I heard the words "goodbye" for the first time with a deeper meaning than "see you later."
Instead, this particular "goodbye" truly meant farewell, until we cross one another's path again, or "i guess I'll see you next lifetime..."
Over the course of 6 months I have witnessed trials and tribulations like no other experienced in my 20 years of life. I managed to survive 2 car accidents, getting physically hit by a car while crossing the street, a slightly collapsed last lung & hole in my chest that repaired itself, and of course heartbreak.
Sadly, I think the worst pain of them all was the heartbreak because it comes and goes as it pleases and even on my happiest days the reminder of it lingers. And although I've reached a state of understanding like never before of what this true love thing is.
But, today I realized that the movie Love Jones may have said it best. Love is truly what you make it and with whom. And sometimes the unbelievableness (word just for DLR) of something can pull two people apart rather than keep them together and it takes the classical test of time to find their way back to one another.
I hate being stuck on the topic of love, but this is what I'm good at, this is what I've been called to experience and understand and it would be wrong of me not to share my findings with other people.
How selfish would you consider me if I've figured out something that people spend their whole lives trying to understand and I simply sat back and told you to figure it out on your own?
Anyway.. the point is.... you can only come to your destiny, not create it.
Love is in every one's cards but it comes in many shapes and forms.
As a writer, my most valued love are my word. So imagine, the pain of losing every written piece of my heart and soul that I've ever created and having no way of getting it back... that's what true heartbreak feels like. Sure there exists the can't eat, can't sleep aspect of it.. but the feeling of complete emptiness? that's not something people just say, it's an actual feeling of being devoid of happiness, of wanting to do nothing. Of feeling incomplete when you're stripped of your love for anyone, or at time, anything.
I'm in search of a tomorrow that I know will come.. because it's inevitable that this happiness or one damn near like it will make it's way back to me. I feel like this journey will teach me a lot about myself, more than I've learned over the past 5 months, and a lot about life... more than I've learned over the last 20 years.
ok so ima try this again...i posted something once already ....i wonder why its not showing up...shit...it was a really good comment to...
ReplyDeletebut in the more simplified version...ill say it again...like this...
you're a copy cat....dont know anythign about lee morgan...you already have everything else thats good in the world in NYC...let philly have something...sheesh!
additionally, speaking on how surreal your night was the other day....what only adds to it is the fact that you heard Lee Morgans Search for New land...which on so many levels applies and in so many ways to your current circumstances...really ironic...and it wasnt even planned out that way
furthermore, it was random. and when i said life is random, it was more or less tongue in cheek, but still rooted in experience, and thus still valid. But, in addition to that i was jsut thinking about all the more reasons why life is so very much random. as a person whose life experiences have been pretty much limited to science over the last 8 years, ill say, even on a molecular level...life is so very much random. its the manifestation of but so many, meaning billlions upon billions of random movements of molecules...thats what makes the wind blow, the pot boil, sweat fall off your brow, not to mention carnal desires of...hunger and anything else thats carnal.
hmmm....thats what you call pontification. and ultimateley, i think its pointless at times. pontification is the framework thru which we visalize the world, paricularly if its around midnight. its the framework thru which we analyze it, decode its meanings....it makes us smile, laugh...makes me cry...
but when its all said and done....after ive stared at the frame for so long...i still never seem to know where to go next....
and then....i come back to human nature....or existence...and decide something.....at random...
keeping true to form....
-Dutch