Reassurance

It's almost like the devil stepped in and taunted you.
Like God turned his head to help feed the starving and you fell victim to comfort vs. the unknown.
I imagine it wasn't easy but it was done nonetheless.
Now the clouds seem more gray than yesterday and the invisible rain won't stop falling.
It's like the meaning of words on paper becomes insignificant when the person you want to read it the most can't say or show you they're moved by them.
I never fought this battle before and naturally I lost.
The questions on my mind are those that will never be answered and I fear that I will be phased out.
Pushed into a black hole to be discovered light years away by someone who resembles you but isn't the you I knew.
Or maybe even obliterated.
Changed by this here experience enough to never be the same.
Renewed into something less than me because the damage is too much to try to repair.
Suppose the next opportunity that comes my way is simply passed upon due to my inability to stop loving you.
Suppose the next person to attempt never measures up to the level of greatness you've bestowed upon me.
Suppose it's supposed to be me and you and I'm supposed to fight for you even now when you won't let me?
I never disrespected you but forgive me for being unable to accept your ignoring me.
Today it felt the worse.
Like you didn't want or need me the way you claim or used to claim you do.
Like I would simply leave your mind in another day or 2 like the lyrics to an "OK" song that the radio played out.
Like I was just another girl and no longer "the great Candice Moore,"
Like you're life was fine with or without me and who gives a fuck about how mine might be?
My heart is hoping that it's not true that you fell out of love with me.

Be honest with yourself and be honest with me.... Tell me it hurts and you truly love me because not hearing it at all, not even seeing it in a text hurts most of all.

Fallen

It's unmatched the way your hand fits mine perfectly.
The rhythm of our breathing once we fall onto our backs, tired.
The look in our eyes each time we say "I love you" as if it were the first time.
Feelings so real and true that decided to transpire amidst our everyday lives.
I am stuck in a realm of confusion hating every bit of the illusion I can't help but hold onto.
Although my walk is one of confidence
And my smile assures the audience happiness is like second nature,
I'm hurting in a way that I could only express on paper.
Hurting because I fell victim to life's main drug the love drug itself.
Losing this constant battle between logic and my heart being me it's just not good for my health.
But, I'm fighting for what's right for me
You and me living one day happily.
Not torn but in perfect harmony...
I envisioned a life without you and realized I could not breathe.
For every single breath I take reminds me of how you hold a special part of me.
I love loving you despite it's 99.9 % of negative effects on me.
The .1% just gives me a future of positive effects to look forward to.

Patient Dreamer

I'll paint a mosaic of words with my mind and undress you
Undressing me with your eyes.
And every time you step inside I remember our very first time...
Magic.
It's a feeling I can't describe and your lips... I begin to taste.
Lick up the sound of my love with your truly talented tongue.
Don't let one drop go to waste.
I'll cut and paste a picture of you and me.. here and there,
Finally coming together as one...
I'll copy you into the depths of my soul and my deepest thoughts to remember you when you've gone to handle business.
Business to make this better
Although I know you'll miss my rambunctious laugh and the smell of my skin...
I'll think of days past and allow myself to function as you'd expect.
Holding down the fort we know as home.
Dreaming of a perfect future unfolding.
I'll dream for you and me until you tell me not to
Because even though I know I'll find myself with you in due time.... dreams are my favorite pastime something easy to do.
Because your actions speak louder than the lack of titles and words and I know that at night when I rest my head on a cool pillow alone...
You're somewhere resting yours wanting to be on the same playing field as me... back in our home.
So I'll simply ask you to wake me when you get here because until then I'll only be dreaming.