Unreal

Enough is enough!

I've struggled with this for damn near 4 years and now, I guess I'm forced to struggle again.

So, thank you, thank You* for scarring me beyond belief and leaving me to clean up this

wretched mess of an emotional state you left me in.

Thank you, for taking away my ability to lyrically express my soul and be free.

THANK YOU for breaking my focus on the prize and making senior year more impossible than I'd already deemed it on the first day of class.

But, wait this goes back to 9 months ago. yes, 9 months ago ironic huh?

So I guess I should start by thanking you for telling me you love me on a purple post-it.

And thank you for bringing me to tears and the proclamation of "love trumps all" at the gazebo near the art museum.

Thank you, for making me feel incompetent without you're stamp of approval.

Thank you for taking the last bit of trust I had inside of me and brutally abusing it.

Now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck in love with a man who could never be mine.

And, even after the final straw had be drawn, or so I thought, I still can't leave you alone.

After breaking that eternal promise I'd made with myself, my heart still longs for you.

After the pain and agony of the end, I still imagine a picture perfect new beginning.

Sadly... I can write all these words full of anger, but nothing changes.

I can meet a new guy and even give him the chance by going out with him...

But, comparisons are continuing to be drawn.

Because although I hate the unavailable side of you,

I love that, caring, concerned loving side of you when you're with me.

So please,

allow me to thank you for making me lose my cool

and wonder aloud, "what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Because, I simply can't stop loving you.